SPOILERS

 

 

 

This episode starts with Tommen’s coronation. After the pomp and circumstance, Cersei begins the mean mugging of Marjorie. Wait…what? Cersei admits that Joffrey shocked her, and she is not easily shocked (evident by how she had Jaime shove Bran out a window, so…yeah) and that Tommen might be the first king to deserve the throne in awhile. (It’s a trap. It’s got to be.) She asks Marjorie if she’s still interested in becoming queen. (Told you it was a trap.) Marjorie brushes it off, acting completely oblivious about her obvious attempts to gain favor with the new king already, stating that she hadn’t even thought about it. Cersei suggests she discuss it with their respective fathers. That could be easier for one than the other.

We cross the Narrow Sea to find Daenerys being told of her rivals passing. The meeting quickly shifts to strategy for the invasion to come. Daario shows up just in time to point out that his men are responsible for the capture of the Meereeian navy, 93 ships in all and capable of transporting her entire army, ruffling some feathers.

Jorah decides now would also be the great time to inform her that the previous stops on her Slave Liberation Tour have been taken over either by the old masters or power hungry crazy people. The Khaleesi questions the proper course of action, rationalizing that if she can’t hold the relatively small area of Slaver’s Bay, how could she possibly control the Seven Kingdoms? She decides “to do what Queens do.” Well, that may not be a good thing.

Petyr and Sansa are walking a mountain path…at arrow point? Wow…

Petyr tells her that the only way to invade the Eyrie (apparently we’re at the Eyrie now) is via a tiny ass path. This…this seems important for later.

Yup, it’s the Eyrie all right. There’s the creepy mother and son combo. Lady Lysa welcomes Sansa, stating that she must continue to disavow any relation to her due to the hunt still going on for her.

And Robin Arryn promptly starts to sound like a crazy kid, asking about how everyone in Sansa’s immediate family has been slaughtered before reminding us that his father was poisoned. Also that he wanted to make Tyrion “fly”, confusing her. And all this before even officially being introduced.

And as soon as the children are away, Lady Arryn latches onto Littlefinger like a hungry moray, reminding him that he’s the one that orchestrated her husband’s death, setting the chain of events of the entire show into effect. Because of course he did. She also demands that they get married that night. Petyr agrees, but is surprised to see the Septon is waiting outside the door.

Tywin and Cersei discuss the details of the coming weddings. Tywin explains that the Lannister’s are out of money, their last gold mine having gone barren three years previously. Cersei brings up her brothers, obviously fishing for favor with her father in the coming trial for Tyrion. Tywin points out that he can’t talk about it, what being a judge and all, to which she asks what Tyrion deserves for trying to the future of House Lannister before leaving.

Arya is reciting her Death List again. The Hound points out that they have a name in common: the Mountain. She asks him what he’d do if the Mountain was there. Hound retorts that he’d tell him to shut up so he could go to sleep. Arya finishes her list: the Hound.

Back to the land of Crazy People, Lysa is telling Sansa about Catlyn when she was young. She also brings up how Petyr feels responsible for her because he always loved Catlyn, sending her into jealous rage. Sansa breaks down crying, stopping only to take in what her aunt tells her next: once Tyrion is dead, Sansa will be married to her cousin Robin. Well then…

BRIENNE AND PODRICK!  Yes, I’ve been waiting for this. Podrick’s inability to ride a horse baffles her. She tries to fire him, but je just won’t leave. This keeps getting better.

Back to the Hound and Arya…wait, nope, she’s gone. She’s practicing her sword fighting by the river. The Hound mocks her teacher and tells her to attack him. She does, but can’t pierce his armor.

Back to King’s Landing, Cersei continues to try to curry favor with the judges, this time with Oberyn, using the mutual loss of close family as a step. Cersei brings up her daughter, to which Oberyn promises she is happy. Cersei says she wants to believe that. She also requests that a ship that has been made specifically for her birthday day be sailed to Dorn.

And Podrick set a rabbit on fire. Because he left the skin on. Awesome. He then tries to help Brienne remove her armor, which she is not keen on. Podrick then tells her how he had killed a King’s Guard.

North of the Wall, Bran and his group are still being held by the mutineers. Jojen states that they have to get Bran to his destination, a big ass magic tree, before looking at his hand, which he sees engulfed in flames. What. The. Hell?

Locke returns to the rest of the Night’s Watch after spying on the camp (and seeing Bran) and states to steer clear of one the tents (with Bran, so his lord Roose Bolton can keep a claim to the North) when they attack. Jon Snow says that why will attack at sundown.

The attack begins, allowing Locke to sneak off to grab Bran. In response, Bran wargs his way into Hodor and promptly snaps his neck. He releases Hodor and sends him to free the others. Bran then must decide: call out to his bastard brother and be taken back to Castle Black or continue north in search of the Three Eyed Raven. He chooses the latter.

Jon finds Karl Tanner, leading to a duel between the two. Karl starts with the upper hand before one of the women from the camp stabs in the back, distracting him enough for Jon to stab him in the back of the head and through the mouth. The last mutineer is met by Ghost, freed by Bran’s group, before reuniting with Jon.

The episode ends with the ladies of Craster’s Keep electing to burn the Keep and to go on their own way rather than turn to the Crows for help.

Important implications brought forth in this episode. Let’s see what happens next.